RANTING SPOT

*i'm not perfect, i have my ups and downs of being human.
*so far, this might be the worst...
out of the ordinary, i commonly see this on programs.
now i'm one of the victim.
victim of shameless behavior and mischiefs.
i thought that i'm strong enough on my own...
but i was wrong.. .
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my roommate, for the first time in my life, because of her i experience

shit

disgrace

worriness

trembles

and

nothingness

i'm not that dumb! but i never thought that i will come to that point. that was the first time that i'm calling my mother for help in the middle of the night. the first time that i cant move my body. the first time that i can't think on what to do. the first time i feel awkward to something i know i have the edge. the first time that i knew sombodies were doing mischief in the same room where i am, under my bed! yes! she brought a guy and have sEx! if it's that what you want to get out of my mouth. i woke up in the middle of the night by my bed shaking, then a thought struck me! i heard her before that her boyfriend has nowhere to sleep, so think she brought her home. silently, i observed, making sure nobody will see me, then i'm sure that under me, there was not only one person but two! hello!!!! if you are smart enough or decent enough you will not do that in a place that you are not private. i want to cry out loud but no sound came out of my mouth. nor i can't even move. next day, everyone except me, where suprised about the guy in our room, and ate maan act like there was nothing strange happen, nothing strange about a guy sleeping in all girl's room! the worst was, it was not just the only time, it was the fisrt time. because there is second, third, and now a whole week with new bf. they are so stupid enough to not realising that they are pestering the others! they are noisy, they crowd the room, they make the us awkward... ok.. they are 2o plus, 3 of us 6 were 20 plus and matured or "liberated enough to think it that way." but the other 3 including me, were only 17 to 18 and 19! we were not opened to that thinking. the three of us were comforted in our own home. cared and respected by our families. school have a subject about sex and also morality! MORALITY! one of the things that my 2 foundation schools hammered in my mind! we are innocent but smart! we know what to think! it was hard on me! i depressed! beside aura, i only have kevin in a new place. eventhough it's not right, but i have to burst it out, i told him everything, i message my friends eventhough i know they can do nothing in my situation, i informed my mom eventhough i know this time nobody can comfort me. this is just the most extravagant rant i experienced!
others were nothing compared to this.
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uniform delayed by a month,
i can't catch up with my lessons,
alienation in some of my class,
stupid security officers,
my depression is creeping out,
my syndrome being prominent again
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how am i supposed to have a good social relationship when my syndrome is overwhelming me because of some stupid environmental stimuli???

the real deal

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me

I remembered each flash as time began to blur

Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me

And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

-new divide, linkin park

^.^

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"it was like reading a huge strange map which has no direction"

- my mind in circles wondering where to start.

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.....that was my mind during the first month of the new school year. reminder! i am a transferree, it's really hard for me to start in nowhere. But slowly but surely, i'm now riding the wave. it was not that hard, because Kevin's with me, so i knew someone already.

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....fast forward to my recent weeks! because first weeks where quite full of rants! heheh >.<

school's great, and finally i'm with "real classmates"! 0.0

they are fun and hard working o.0 though, kevin and I felt outcast when they are studying, because we're not that studious. xD

this week, i've tasted a real hell. '

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Monday (07-20-09)

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i went back to biñan so early monday morning. for what i know was, we will be having quiz in patho, prelim exam in fcl5 and extra meeting for biochem. i haven't read the lecture in patho so it was a big luck for me to have 4 over ten quiz >.< ... after patho, we proceed to fcl5 and i just got a hunch that it will not be an exam day. stupid proff, she did'nt accept our projects which was due last saturday! i mean it's late, so what, the number of students who passed it on time was like 4 to 5. i don't know where to find her office!!! i'm so proud of my chosen leader, sen. chiz escudero *roll'seye*. heheh ... after fcl5, classmates went to ana laboratory to study brains for the neuro ana exam while kevin and i went to biochem class. i felt so sleepy that i was asleep the whole session. after class i went back to my boarding house. i slept! ahahaha! victory! noon came, so as kevin with loiue, they invited me to join their "group study". actually i've been invited by mark earlier that day. i was hesitant at first, they were all boys! kevin was so pushy that i agree to follow. the place: mark and ramon's dormitory. here it goes, "it was my first gruop study!" so as kevin's. so i went it was around 5-6 pm.

the group study:

classmates were: kuya irish, mark, ramon, louie, kevin, and loreto (he came late)

the session start ofcourse with chitchats, don't forget, i'm with them boys! duh! boys do know how to gossip! allen and kevin taught me how! after some chit chats and munchchins, the study came next. kua irish facilitated the group study. we all decided to hit the brodmann's areas and it's lessions. and the fun starts. we went to this lession and another. stop. chitchat. lesiions. stop. chitchat. and in during the study, when all of us were confused by a single word, kuya irish were using a lifeline; CALL A FREIND. he called aileen and karen for the classification. for the entire time, it was only brodmann's lession! we just finished brodmann's around ten and i decided to head back first. kevin also decided to go home.

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back at dorm, i thought i was alone because aura was at her sister's place, ate karen already went to his bf's house, ate vanessa was not at home, ate maan gone, then i saw kat's with me already sleeping in her bunk. i decided to sleep first. then i woke up, read and eat, still sleepy and i'm not quite sure if i absorbed the lessons i'm reading. ate vanessa came. we ate oatmeal. then she slept. a little later, ate maan came. ok she came and went to sleep. so i read again. then the disaster came. ate maan woke up saying PJ will come and sleep over! what! Girl's boarding house!!! then a bastard will come and sleep! so as i can't argue, it's not his first time to sleep there, i fixed my things and went back to my hobby of sleeping. i don't feel to study when there is something so bothering. i did'nt sleep in my bed, i slept on ate karen's bed.

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Tuesday

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woke up so frustrated. i go for my morning and bath rituals. then went to school. exam started. the exam, well, let's just say it "HALIMAW". all in all it was a monster's exam. much more than sir erwin's devil boardtype exam. during the exam, my classmates were asking for bonus. the proff was hesistant at first then she called a "5 minute brainstorming", meaning you can go around and copy or cheat your classmates answers legally! classmates in front went to back because smart classmates were stationed there. i did't went there, my leg hurts and i was still confused what's that brainstorming means. the time were running out. a single exam consumed a regular 3 hr. class. that was just for the fisrt part of the lecture exam, we still have the second part and the laboratory part. wooooooooh! *drools*

the second part came. i think all of my brain was drained already by the first part. it was really hard to understand and answer the second part eventhouh it was a multple choice type. i felt that it was not even tackled during the class or even the right answer is not on the choices. i came to the conclusion to use the ultimate weapon of "mini-mini-my-ni-mo" T.T

the best part was, the proff anounced that the laboratory exam was cancelled!

so went back home then sleep!

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i woke up in the evening, ate karen was watching t.v, aura already gone, ate vanessa, ate maan and kat were still out. then went back to sleep again. -.-

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around 12 midnight, ate maan came, her presence waking the hell out of me! she's with pJ. agian! the same scenario every night! i went down and slept in ate karen's bed. i planned to stay up and do laundry, but ate maan's so ^%(%$*&% and it was like my fault to stay up! like hell, i am also paying to use the place in my accord as long as someone was not disturb. oh yeah... turned on lights and my presence of being awake will disturb their ^$&$%^&. shit! stupid shit! good for her i don't have major exam to be so worried. or else i will burst into something i don't know.

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Wednesday

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i woke up, my schedule was 3 pm. major exams for 2 minor subjects. so i was just relax and don't feel worried about the upcoming exam. mood disturbed by the presence of someone. i have to bath and dressed in the c.r. it was really hard to dressed in c.r! hate it. hate it.

the day was so down with me having violations of not wearing a uniform! I STILL DON'T HAVE MY UNIFORM, i begged in the security office. i agreed to a violation signed and my i.d confiscated so that i can get in and take exam. after exam i checked for my uniform, and staff says "tommorow". then i show him my violation slip and he gave a note to show them security office the evidence that i still don't have my uniform. that damned office still doesn't believed that note and send me to student's affair's office to get someone signed my note. there, they wondered why the s.o doesn't believe the no uniform's note. i also wondered why!!! good thing they signed it. i went back to get my i.d and went home. so tired of walking here and there, so i sleep! hahah...

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Thursday

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Fine day in a hell week. a single light exam in the afternoon. i also got my uniform. *.* that night i was so happy to learned that ate maan will not be sleeping in the boarding house. wooohooh!!!! if she sleep there, a guy will also be sleeping there. because next day i will be having a tough major exam from a minor subject! releif a little that i can study. after all my relaxing do this, do that. i planned to study... ok i'm on study and study. then around 3am, ate maan came with p.j ... though they went straight back to ate maan's bunk, they were chit chatting! and their voices irritated me so hard! darn! i sleep instead! not worried about my exam because i'm worried more about my angina and i already have difficulty in brathing because of how i felt... i will be so happy to get otu of this boarding house or ate ate maan moves away! it's either one of us!!!

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Friday

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i'm not actually excited about the exam. but i do feel excitement because i will be going back home in sto. tomas! fast forward im home! i show my parents my uniform!!!! weeehhhh!

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Saturday

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SLEPT THE WHOLE DAY

and now awake blogging!!!...

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P.S i have alot of funny conversation i want to put on

P.S #2 pictures were on mark's phone

Happy

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Birthday

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Papa!!!